Animal Field Day

Weekend Update

2007-06-11T10:38:00.000-04:00

Summer is good. This was a weekend of good food and good-er friends :) Vanessa's graduation party (congratulations Vanessa!) featured egg rolls, followed by bbq chicken and sausage, and three salads (broccoli, lettuce, and potato respectively), with graduation cake for desert. mmmm, graduation cake. Afterwards, wii bowled in the living room. Next day, Amanda, Trev, Rob, Katrina and I hit up the carousel of nations down by the river side. Expensive, but we snacked on philipeno springrolls, burritos, and nachoes suprime .... all freshly made. Amanda had a henna tattoo done, and we listened to the ultimate coverband as we perused the cheesy fair vendors. Seriously, this band was switching languages and everything. It was nuts.

Looking forward to starting my out of towners game (although I haven't heard back from Jamie in a while. Hope he can still be in it) I've been working on my world almost non stop for months now, and it'll be fun to finally put all that work to good use.

I leave you with some NIN. Doesn't really fit the way I'm feeling, but I really like this song.

"Into The Void"

tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

talking to myself all the way to the station
pictures in my head of the final destination all lined up
(all the one's that aren't allowed to stay)
tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

tried to save a place from the cuts and the scratches
tried to overcome the complications and the catches
nothing ever grows and the sun doesn't shine all day
tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

2007-05-28T08:28:00.000-04:00

Ok, time for a new post seeing as all that crap is behind me now. Things have been nice and quiet lately. Some of my friends have moved far away, which is sad. Others have gone to ground, disappearing into Windsor for the summer. That's kinda what I expect from the summer. Seen Joe and Annie a lot more lately than usual, which is cool. Saw Pirates of the Caribbean at worlds end, which was awesome. Had our first successful barbecue, which everyone seemed to enjoy. Overall, summer has been pretty good so far. Still don't feel like I've really been able to relax yet, but I'm sure that will come with time. There are still three months to go, after all.

And now, just to push all the crap down the page so I don't have to look at it, some lyrics I've liked lately....

"Warrior"

When it’s missing then you want it more
It isn’t right
Turning, turning out the door
And back to this
Leave it like it was before
And let me out
Must’ve been the end of the story

Giving it all, giving it all away
You’re gonna wake up someone
Well study it all
The wings, the crowd, your face
You’re gonna end up like one

Well, trouble at home
Travel the way you say
“The road don’t like me”
Travel away
Travel it all away
“The road’s gonna end on me”

Man, they like me
‘Cause I’m a warrior, a warrior
Stand on my feet
Dance the warrior, the warrior
Where would I be?
I’d be a warrior, a warrior

Now the strangers have caught on
And they’re riding in the backseat
The river’s gonna wash all
Yeah the river it spoke to me
It told me I’m small
And I swallowed it down
If I make it all
I’m a make you want me

Hey!

Trouble at home
Travel the way you say
“The road don’t like me”
Travel it all, travel it all away
“The road’s gonna get on me”
And I’m small
The road’s gonna get on me
Well if it gets it all
The road’s gonna end on me

Hey!
Hey, hey!

Like a warrior, a warrior
Dance the warrior, the warrior
-Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Edit ... sort of

2007-03-09T08:36:00.000-05:00

I have been informed by certain parties that my previous post has a number of wrong points in it. I would like to stress that this was my perspective on the issue at the time, using all of the information available to me.

I'm not going to change or remove the post, or discuss the details that were wrong here. Thats more of a personal issue, and just because I speak on my blog about some things, doesn't mean I have to air all of my laundry out here.

I have since had a discussion with an Individual that was technically on the opposite side of the event, although I am hesitant to use sides here as it makes the whole thing seem more trivial and catty than I think it is.

The end result of this was something we both agreed on and something I have in fact been presenting along with the story whenever I tell it. Both sides handled it badly in their own way. B should have canceled earlier, and should have confronted A with the other issues involved months earlier. This is obvious, and I think everyone agrees on that point.

The issue I have now is whether or not I should have understanding and feel empathy for A and their side of the story. What I have been presented with is a scenario in which A's intentions were good, thinking that bringing evidence to B that would allow B to go along with the plan that A assumed B really wanted to do, but couldn't because of false information. Unfortunately, A presented their findings in a manner that just pushed B further away and didn't solve anything.

I can't forget A's past activities, and I am sorry to the Individual for that. It is of course commendable that the Individual is willing to give A understanding, benefit of the doubt, and in many ways a clean slate, but that is not something that I feel obligated in anyway to do. I have informed the Individual of this.

As A is very fond of saying, only they can know the truth of their intentions and actions. Since I am not privy to A's thoughts and feelings (being another person entirely), all I have to then go on is the impression that A left with B and I on "that fateful Thursday night" (quotes cus' inside I'm also laughing at the whole thing). I think it's pretty obvious what I think of that impression, and the short of it is that A fucked it up.

So, the question remains as to whether or not I should forgive A for screwing up due to the fact that A is telling me that their intentions were good. A, I have been around you for a few years now, and I am not basing my opinion on this one incident. Your track record, in my eyes, speaks for its self. I feel that I have supported and/or forgiven you your activities and screw ups in my own way for a while now. This issue is relatively small when placed against the background of the rest of my relationship with you.

Since fairness is such an important issue for some of us, I ask then is it fair that I should have to be around someone that makes me unhappy? Should I have to jump on repairing a relationship with someone that I feel has poisoned my living and emotional environments? I don't think thats very fair to me, or to B.

This doesn't mean that I hate you. It pretty much means that I just don't want to interact with you for an in determinant period of time.

I don't think this is unfair.

Thats Dorritos Bold ... But not in a good way

2007-02-23T11:32:00.000-05:00

So, here's my perspective:

Person A wants a favor of person B.

The favor was asked a month ago, and the answer was MAYBE. Maybe, as so many of us know, is not yes. It's not no either, but it is most definitely not yes. Confirmation was not asked for until two days before the favor was to be meted out (and late at night, so not even a full two days before), and by this point it seemed obvious that person A had assumed person B really meant yes (which is obviously why person A left confirmation until the last minute). Also, at this point person A decided to let person B know that the favor would have to be completed very early in the morning. Person B, who often is easily pressured into things, said yes (albeit with reluctance). Person B did in fact express this reluctance, which person A tried to argue against (so as to get there way), rather than understanding the uncomfortable position person B was being put in (honestly, asking person B's ex to perform the task with them so person B WOULDN'T feel uncomfortable doing it is both desperate and low). The day after the 'confirmation', Person B was talking with persons important to them, and to the mode of completing the favor, and the persons informed person B that they did not think this was a good idea, and gave reasons. Person B decided to back out of the arrangement, but made sure to let person A know as early as possible. Admittedly, this was somewhat last minute, but since person A also didn't bother to bring the whole thing up again (or give all of the details) until the last minute, should be understandable. Person A was not understanding. In order to get their own way, and this is the bold part, person A went so far as to call up a branch of the GOVERNMENT in order to gain evidence against Person B's reasons for not going through with the arrangement, and proceeded to try and convince person B to keep with the plan. When person B still said no, Person A continued to try to coerce something out of person B, suggesting alternate modes involving person B's family members (and trying to impose on them). Person B said a final no, which no doubt did not sit well with person A.

Person B - good on you for finally sticking up for yourself. It sucks being made to feel like a doormat by your best friends.

Person A - If you truly feel that this person is your best friend, then why are you being so imposing? Why is "I'm not comfortable with this" not enough? Shouldn't you be more understanding where your best friend is concerned, and even let some things slide, even if it's an inconvenience for you? And do you have the right to feel angry for this? You friend has felt walked over by you for a long time, and hasn't been completely quiet about it. It is obvious that eventually the rug would pull out from under you. Is the fact that it happened at the worst possible time for you your friend's fault? Or did you get what you deserve?

The moral of the story is that you should respect and appreciate your friend's feelings, not try to continuously push them to do things they really don't want to do. Unless you really like driving wedges between you and other people.

Not At All What I Was Going To Talk About

2006-12-18T22:59:00.000-05:00

Not Forgotten, Just Delayed. But to the forgotten, a breath seems a lifetime.

My life isn't shit. I don't really like complaining about it, cus' for the most part I really enjoy myself and the people around me. I love the things I do, and take pleasure from as many small things in every day as I can. If you ever want to talk to someone about learning to stop and smell the roses, I'm your guy. I'll talk your fucking ear off (explitave for effect). I'll talk your fucking ear off for an hour (explitave for effect).

I do complain. I don't care if I trip a little when I'm walking, or if I spill something on my shirt. I don't get upset when the cat vomits on the carpet, or I screw up a print after five or six hours working on it. Ok, that last one usually gets me a bit miffed, but I get over it damn quickly. All these little things usually just end up becomeing another little source of amusment for me. I don't swear at the uneven sidewalk, or cut off offending fingurs for being clumsy. They wouldn't learn anyhow. I don't put down the cat, and I certainly don't tear up those prints, even though they are pretty ugly.

What I do is learn what there is to be learned, and slowly but surely and at my own pace I change and grow. I'm not an optimist, playing with words and meanings. I make it so. The bad and the good are the same thing: wonderful experience.

I wonder at the little things, but it is People I love most of all.

It is the things we love that hurt us the most, and you have to love a thing first to hate it. I will complain bitterly about people. I don't always truely feel all the things I say past the heated moment, but for that moment I'll bitch with the best of em'. Always after I hunt for the root of my hurt, and almost always I find that what I feel is based in the way a person makes someone I care about feel. I will hate you bitterly, and without remorse, for the way you make my loved ones feel. I personaly will take infinate amounts of crap from you for years without reacting, but the instant you negatively effect Them, you will have to work hard to make me like you again. Comunity service may be required.

I'll always let you try.

Now, what makes it interesting is if I love you too, because love in me is a continuous, even feeling replaced only sporadically by hate or anger (and a little more sporadically by depression, because it's gotta happen!). My thoughts are focused on balance, and I bring my entire life forward with me every step of the way. When my loves are out of balance, it distresses me, often leading to depression.

I don't let my emotions show, though. I could be seeting with anger at you inside without a twitch. This is probably cus' it never lasts long. I'll file you under 'mad' and feel better a few minuits after you leave. If I care about you, I'll certainly stew about it, but that usually consists of imagined speeches and convirsations I'd like to confront you with.

Which leads me to my biggest problem: confrontation (which, incidently, people tend to fear more than Death). I so often just can't do it. There are many reasons for this, that I won't get into. My lack of need to bring bagage along with me through life probably has something to do with it. Given time, I'll just laugh it off (cus' usually it really is funny).

I'm getting better at it, though ....

This has been a piece of my brain :)

Not that any of this matters to anyone but me - I know I'm not the center of the world, but I do so like to be adored ;)

.Battle of the Beards.

2006-11-13T16:35:00.000-05:00

question: what's your opinion of the 'abraham lincoln' style beard?
so far it's one for, one against, and one "it all depends on who's wearing it"

Remembrance

2006-07-27T13:51:00.000-04:00

I just went through every blog entry in my archives, reading them all. I have come to one conclusion:

I really like me :D

and now, heres all my old poems from the begining of this thing!

Goodnight and Farewell

Tonight I tip my hat to you
I hope you will feel better too
I've found myself a brandnew place
They may even still fill up that space

Don't you cover those pretty ears
I've dried up all these angry tears
the wind is somehow not so cold
even withought someone to hold

The door to my heart was close
but to your knock my heart still rose
so thank you for kindly holding that door
and I hope you will be happy while I try to soar

So goodnight and Farewell
I hope that life treats you well
and that someday you'll find a face
that fills you in your everywere place

untitled

If boys could cry
youd see my eye glisten
but I can not stand to sigh
as I try to my friends listen

And though I love their smile
My child is dead of hearing
And I will feel this for a while
this mile that my soul is seeking

untitled

Give me a clue
Oh lady blue
And whisper your name to me
I'll give you a smile
It'll last for a while
Never again want for love, wait and see

untitled

Lady P, Lady P
won't you come
and dance with me?
cus' I've been waiting for a while
just to see that cutest smile
grace those alabaster cheeks
because you're the one
that my heart seeks

untitled

I'm sitting up so very high,
upon this peak here in the sky.
The ground bellow is an easy fall,
should I just get to the earth and crawl.
Or should I grow my wing and fly,
into the sun, so very high.

untitled

So smile,
just because you can,
and give a word it's wings,
but only if you want to.
Just smile all the same.

untitled

I thought I'd put the walls back up
but then you made them fall
I see now they were made of dust and fear
Old walls
That were never meant to be

seed lulaby

There is a seed
hideing deep inside of me
allways here, and never showing
but deep inside me it keeps growing

And everyone could stop and look
but never see inside of me
deep down this buried, humbled seed
that once she touch my soul to feed

untitled

The sky was shining with silver light
the sun through clouds as dark as night
there to be baptised by the sky
heaven's trumpets loosened pealing cry

And under the crash of nature's sound
a little light would there be found
as fireworks creased the drunken sky
this brand new love made a happy sigh

.Computers Suck.

I was walking to the school one day
to see what I could see
when suddenly a computer did
apear right in front of me

It's lights were all flashing
Red green and blue
"A moment" it asked me
"I seem to have some cpu flu"

So I sat there beside it
A few minutes to spare.
I didn't think that it just might
Take a whole day of my care.

The moral of the story
When a computer is in need
Don't trust what it says to you
You just might get an anurism.

song
Alive in the house of Golden Leaves
We're never alone walking through the trees
I have her and she has me
As we trundle along and see what we can see

Then sometimes I trip but her hand is there
To catch mine when I'm spinning out through the air
She's my best friend and I love her dearly
She's the fruit of my soul, I can see that clearly

#6

Shadow, shadow
go away!
Don't come back
another day!
I will not run,
I will not hide.
I promis I am
whole inside.
Cus' I have been here
for a while.
I've cherished every
secret smile.
And here I'll be
tomorow still.
My given heart.
My wishing will.

Dream

2006-07-24T09:16:00.000-04:00

The Dream Corridor dies Mondays.
I enter the dream corridor as a precious few travelers do
A short reprieve from Concrete Circus City
The quiet touch of beautiful human creativity, both sides
And an encaseing green canopy, that smells of the season
Not today
Human filth receptacles
Scattered and abandoned and oozing lazy
Bits here and there left for someone else who never comes
Or for the rain that has not been seen in days
Or weeks
The stench of Ancient Venice
London
Or Paris
Dripping across the path in front of me
The Dream Corridor dies Mondays.

First Draft

2006-06-27T11:30:00.000-04:00

Ok, this is the first draft of the Zombie kit. Keep in mind that the backpack is specially constructed to include slings and pockets for the larger items, and organizers for the smaller items. Let me know if you have any suggestions (or if you think something I've included is stupid - or if the whole thing is stupid, which I probably will disregard):

ZOMBIE KIT

Backpack w Laptop sling and Eliminator 300A Powerbox sling

Larger
1 Hatchet/Hammer
1 Kinetic Flashlight
1 Mini Bolt Cutters
3/8" cordless drill/screwdriver
1 Canister Lighter Fluid (metal)
50' Silk Rope
1 Eliminator 300A Powerbox

Smaller
1 Sweedish Firesteel
1 Leatherman Wave Multi-Tool
1 Flexible Shaft ratcheting Screwdriver
1 Delta Shockproof Lighter
1 Swiss Army Knife
4 Mind Molesters w Batteries
1 Touchless IR Thermometer
1 Wi-Fi Digital Hotspotter
1 Mini Bug Detector
1 World Travel Adapter w USB
1 USB Data Link Cable
1 6' Crossover cable
1 10' Network cable
1 Bio Computer on a Stick
1 Super Ear
1 Portable Radiation Detector

ok, we've had a few extra suggestions that are going in:
Grappling Hook
Repelling Handel (not sure what those are called)
Waterproof Matches
100' Thin Hemp Rope Spindle
Spindle 15 Pound Fishing Wire and Fish Hooks
Small sewing kit

And the final update (in honor of dear departing Lawrence) to the first draft of the zombie kit...
Ducktape, Condoms, and Beer

Sequestered In My Room

2006-06-22T00:17:00.000-04:00

So I have this silver skull sitting on my desk in front of me. I think I've got a bunch of tacks in it (the top comes off, ye'see). Well, it's kinda silver-ish now, as the paint is all chipping off.

It is an interesting thing, looking around my space and taking in all of the crap I've bought or made. Not really crap - at the time each thing was a moment of some sort of emotional attachment. Take this skull, for example. The thing is very obviously a very shoddy piece of ultra-kitsch manufacture. The paint is in a terrible state of repair, being as I have never done so. Where did it come from? I've never had a 'Goth' stage, and I know if I had I certainly wouldn't have ever bought something as low-quality as a shitty piece of plastic from San-Diego. And yet, of all the things in this space, this one has been with me perhaps longer than any other. I even named it - Elroy the car scull.

Memories really make emotions worth while, because otherwise they really would be just the ethereal firing of the synapses in our brains. How can you describe angry without a memory to tie it to? You really can't.

Anything that helps a memory surface is a very special thing indeed. Take Elroy here. He came along for just about every adventure I had in my old 1990 Acurra Integra, and although that car been passed on to a new owner I still have Elroy to share the memories with.

what's the moral? Don't be haten' Elroy. He's old school funk.

and now some lyrics, cus' all the cool kids are doing it....

Get straight and wait here while I try to find the exit sign
When will you stop asking strangers, no one wants what we want
Keep one eye on the door, keep one eye on the bag
Never expect to be sure who you're working for

You're working for the police and the private, the pilots and the pirates
Fingerprinted waiting for the train
The doctor, the writer, the hairdresser,
Felt up and fingerprinted waiting for the train

Lord lord mother we are all losing love
Lord listen lover we are all missing mama
Lord lord mother we are all losing love
Lord listen lover we are all missing something I don't got

There's a place that ends here I know
When they close the gates I'll cry
So tired of never sleeping
The whole world wants what we're on

Didn't make this up I learned, I learned it from a friend
My friend is coming clean, she told me
Keep one eye on the bed, keep one eye on the door
Never expect to be sure who you're working for

You're working for the police and the private, the pilots and the pirates
Fingerprinted waiting for the train
The doctor, the writer, the garbage collector
Felt up and fingerprinted waiting for the train

Lord lord mother we are all losing love
Lord listen lover we are all missing mama
Lord lord mother we are all losing love
Lord listen lover we are all missing love
Got to get out
Got to get to you, the orphanage is closing in an hour

- Metric, The Police & The Private

.On.Emotion.

2006-05-25T17:23:00.000-04:00

Emotions are silly things, although they DO make life interesting.

A butterfly flapping it's wings in Sanfransisco has more effect on the world than the anger of any one person. Unless they act on that anger (and most people don't), then it is just an emotion.

That's the funny thing about emotions: You might feel like shit, but that isn't going to cause a tidal wave in Bombay(or even Tokyo, no mater what your Anime might tell you).

The Hugger

2006-05-11T13:12:00.000-04:00

If you mime like you're going to hug me, or make a joke to the same ends, I WILL give you one.

You have been given fair warning.

close to you

2006-05-08T08:41:00.000-04:00

Why do birds suddenly appear,
Everytime you are near?
Just like me, they long to be,
Close to you......

Why do stars fall down from the sky,
Everytime you walk by?
Just like me, they long to be,
close to you.........

.Dream with a Cheap Guitar.

2006-04-22T15:40:00.000-04:00

This has been a good two months. There have been some downs, and a fair share of 'coaster-style emotional rides, but for every depressed moment I had two happy ones. I have been muddling my way through school for four years now, and for the first time I find myself looking at myself two steps closer to who I really want to be.

While writing this, I keep looking over at my prints, which are piled on my bed, and I keep smiling.

I always end up hating myself for 'tooting my own horn', but for some reason this just feels different. It's like for the first time, instead of producing just because I could or I should, I really reached out, dived in, and made.

I still wouldn't put any of my stuff on a gallery wall, but I actually have work that I want to share.

This has been a semester of reaching epiphany for me. I realized some time near the end of second year just who I wanted to be, and what I wanted to believe. I have never before felt closer to that idea than I do now.

So now I'm a rocket man. I'll see you on the moon.

.525600.

2006-03-23T15:05:00.000-05:00

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes,
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Moments so dear.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights
In cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

In five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure
A year in the life?

How about love?
How about love?
How about love? Measure in love

Seasons of love. Seasons of love

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes!
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Journeys to plan.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure the life
Of a woman or a man?

In truths that she learned,
Or in times that he cried.
In bridges he burned,
Or the way that she died.

It's time now to sing out,
Tho' the story never ends
Let's celebrate
Remember a year in the life of friends
Remember the love!
Remember the love!
Seasons of love!

Oh you got to got to Remember the love! remember the love,
You Measure in love know that love is a gift from up above Seasons of love.
Share love, give love spread love Measure measure you life in love.

.Dooomy! Dooomy! Dooomy!.

2006-03-20T12:21:00.000-05:00

It works! The doom song is up and running, and it's loads of fun to play. Soon as that clock hits table, SOMEONE is trying to take counters off it. I've managed to stay alive for a very extended period of time during two games despite being at a very low life total and even having a clock on the table in one. With Copy Enchantment, I even manage to come back fairly quickly after cataclysm. Fear the walls of propaganda!

Here's the revised current deck list (and I've taken out the extra tinker and tutor):

4x Orchard - 4 Proxy
2x Brushland
1x Adarkar Wastes
2x Forest
4x Plains
3x Island

4x Armageddon Clock - 1 Proxy, 1 Korean
1x Null Rod
2x Platinum Angel - 2 Proxy

1x Enlightened Tutor - 1 Proxy
1x Tinker
4x Rampant Growth

4x Propaganda - 3 Proxy
4x Ghostly Prison
4x Privilledged Position
2x Ivory Mask - 1 Proxy
3x Copy Enchantment
4x Faith's Fetters

4x Birds of Paradise
2x Hunted Lamasu
2x Hunted Phantasm
2x Dowsing Shaman
_______
60 cards

I'm slowly wittleing away the proxies! Faith's Fetters is a spectacular card in the deck. In the future, I'm thinking about including golden wish to smooth things out, probably another copy enchantment (copy enchantment + priviledged position = GASP!), and definitely four copies of Replenish (to replace the Dowsing Shaman of coarse!). I don't think I will proxy any of the above in, since that will make it a tad stupid and will remove some of the satisfaction of slowly making the deck better. As far as the orchards go, they work great along with the birds. I haven't had any Mana issues this build at all. I almost never get the platies out, and I'm thinking of perhaps replacing them with Clearwater Goblet (of which I currently have one) Which would work great with all of the multi-colour mana production. It would certainly save me the expense of the angels (although sidebording a couple might be an idea considering I have golden wish - though this would make tinker a bit useless)!

.Fox BAD.

2006-03-15T23:47:00.000-05:00

I haven't watched much of the channel in a while (partly cus' I don't really follow much of anything on the TV), but I think that it is totally time to boycott the station.

Why?

Amanda and I just got around to watching the special features on the fourth disk of the firefly boxed set. I certainly disliked fox and their inane stumbling with good programming before, but now I hate them. Firefly was so much. It was by far the best done and most involved and involving sciencefiction production that I have ever seen. In it's short run of fourteen episodes it managed to put to shame so many of the greats. I loved Star trek with its many iterations, Stargate featuring the always quirky Mcgiver, and Babylon Five's characters and grittiness. Not one of those pulled me in so completely that I constantly feel the need to watch the entire series over and over again, every time gasping as I notice yet another nuance or spectacular camera shot.

I'm tired, so maybe I didn't get all of this out exactly the way I wanted to. The short of it is really just a message to Fox:

I hate you all.

oh, and I hope you burn in the special hell.

.The Doom song : First Iteration.

2006-03-03T14:32:00.000-05:00

4x Orchard - 4 Proxy
2x Brushland
1x Adarkar Wastes
2x Forest
4x Plains
3x Island

4x Armageddon Clock - 1 Proxy, 1 Korean
4x Null Rod - 3 Proxy
2x Platinum Angel - 2 Proxy

2x Enlightened Tutor - 2 Proxy
2x Tinker - 1 Proxy
4x Rampant Growth

4x Propaganda - 4 Proxy
4x Ghostly Prison
4x Privilledged Position
2x Ivory Mask - 2 Proxy
2x Copy Enchantment
2x COP Artifacts

4x Birds of Paradise
2x Hunted Lamasu - 1 Proxy
2x Hunted Phantasm
_______
60 cards

That should be where I am right now (all from memory, so I may have missed something :P)
Was having land trouble, so down to 60 cards!

.Favorite Thing.

2006-03-01T08:55:00.000-05:00

So, one of my favorite things to do back in highschool was to start talking to people about something that they should really catch on to, usually an old discussion that had been had previously, but not give them quite enough indications to figure out what the hell the subject matter really is. It was a hell of a lot of fun and really confused my friends .....

.... so you have been forewarned - I've started doing it again :P

.late.

2006-02-24T11:11:00.000-05:00

A giant crane is not generaly the reason you would expect to have to give as to why you are going to be late for work .....

.The Doom Song.

2006-02-20T16:54:00.000-05:00

Here's the preliminary decklist for 'death by clocks' (might change the name later):
4x Forbidden Orchard
4x BoP
4x Forest
4x Plains
4x Island
4x Armageddon Clock
4x null rod
4x cop artifacts
2x tinker
4x propaganda
4x ghostly prison
4x privillaged position
4x ivory mask
4x enlightened tutor
4x rampant growth
4x hunted lamasu
4x spelltithe enforcer
4x hunted phantasm
_____
70 cards

It's entirely a slow multiplayer deck, and I've wanted to do it ever since null rod came out. Basically I get out a clock or two and a null rod and watch the counters kill everyone, with the alternate kills being the lamasu and phantasm. The key is to keep away from being the threat as much as possible, and just make it damn anoying to attack me or cast spells on me or mine (and since EVERYONE is getting the damage, includeing me for a bit, I think I could pull it off). Will probably take out the enforcers, just toying with that idea. Let me know what you all think!

.Edit-> Thought about it, and I think the enforcers are a little too agressive. Switching them out for 4x windborn muse. Also, thinking of putting in one each of the COPs, as some basic response to big damage spells.

.Edit-> Think I'll pull out a Lamasu and a phantasm for a couple of platinum angels. Oh, and I think the name of the deck will now be 'The Doom Song'. Think two more tinkers would be a good idea too....

.Winter Blues.

2006-02-20T09:10:00.000-05:00

This winter has sucked in alot of ways. I've been so busy with school (not homework, see: lazy, but just my 3 - 3 hour long classes) that I've barely had time to run my DnD game. Prepwork tends to be religated to Fridays, with the rest of the weekend subjagated to the art school (projects in these courses are hideously-long to complete usually). I also like spending time with my girlfriend, and though i do live with her the 2-3 hours of exhosted TV watching before bed just don't cut it. So if any of you were wondering why I havn't been around, it's the work and school hours combination I have going on this semester more than anything. I havn't even been able to put in my one manditory visit per semester to magic (seeing as I have a class from 7-10 on wednessdays). The summer should be better, and less SADSee too.

On the up note, I'm loving photography, and I've finnaly gotten a print done in Litho! everything is begining to press in now, though, and March break promises to be stuffed full of art projects. I'm going home for four days, but it aint' gonna be no vacation!

Also, I have gotten together with a partner (see: Trev) and we're gonna start a small business! If you know anyone who needs some web development, let us know cus' we will soon be in the market for contracts.

.Hey Beautiful Day.

2006-01-30T22:00:00.000-05:00

So I am having a temporary afair with modern day windmills. I saw some when I went back home for the weekend (a whole bunch are being put up around PB), and I fell in love. They are huge, spectacular, and really quite beautifull. The fact that they are sickeningly friendly to the environment just pushed me over the edge. So I'm gonna do some peices on them (lithography, finnaly have an inspiration for this semester!), and takes some pictures later on when they are all up, and I'll post a few here.

.

2006-01-25T22:20:00.000-05:00

YUM YUM, BUMBLEBEE, BUMBLEBEE TUNA!
I LOVE BUMBLEBEE, BUMBLEBEE TUNA!
YUM YUM, BUMBLEBEE, BUMBLEBEE TUNA!
LOVE A SANDWICH MADE WITH BUMBLEBEE!

.Why work for Anything?.

2006-01-13T10:33:00.000-05:00

Because if you get it on a silver platter, how does it have any real meaning to you at all? The bad (or the difficult) gives value to the good.

.Preview.

2006-01-12T22:23:00.000-05:00

I am a babbling brook: I bounce around off life's stones a lot and make some noise that some freaks find pretty

.Drum Roll.

2006-01-06T12:25:00.000-05:00

All the marks are in, and in an amazing feat, Tristan manages to get nothing bellow a C+!!! Here is the break down:

60-350: C+
27-245: A-
27-213: B-
27-224: C+

Thanks goes out to Prof Dingler for ruining a good few days of my holidays with my lowest Vis Arts mark so far! I put a lot of effort into your course and got slapped for giving a bad interview in the rushed 15 minutes that you gave me. Guess I know how to deal with you now (which is good since I have two classes with you next semester). From now on you're going to get what I want, not what I think you want. And if you want to pull this same sort of thing again (in some vain effort to get me to change majors, purhapse), then I will simply have to drop the courses and refrain from dealing with you ever again. I like you, your teaching style, and your crazy stories, but the way you decided to deal with marking a class that was far beyond capacity I do not.

That said, I think it's obvious that I still have what it takes to be an artist (2 out of 3 aint bad!). Even though I somehow crashed and burned in my favorite class, I'm not about to stop. Welcome new year, I'm ready for yah!

- T

Here, Here! Some Christmass Cheer!

2005-12-23T21:05:00.000-05:00

Here's a new christmass carol, kiddies! It's to the tune of 'here we go a wassleing', so have fun, and remember to tell anyone you sing it to just who wrote it! (that would be me, about a half hour ago :P)

Here We Go Galoshaling

Here we go galoshaling, through all the rainy snow!
We head out to the bar, cus' there's no place else to go!
Gather near, have a beer!
Come imbibe some winter cheer!
And we'll drink our way into the ne-ew year
Into-the-new-year
And we'll drink our way into the new year!

-T

GIANT YELLOW SWEATER TIME!!!

2005-12-09T10:01:00.000-05:00

Giant Yellow Sweater Time!
Giant Yellow Sweater Time!

Giant Yellow Sweater With A BaseBallBat!

So, My boss handed me this XL, bright yellow UWindsor sweater this morning, which had been bought for me by IT services in recognition for the work I did on wireless here. It's pretty sweet.

AND my name was mentioned at the meeting by Roger, the head of IT services. Thanks for the applause, Roger.

It's nice to be recognized by people I have never met and am not even sure what they look like.

.Litho 2005!.

2005-11-26T16:35:00.000-05:00

I present to you, Daniel Dingler's Litho Army of 2005!

I was recruited this year to make up the T-shirt design for intro lithography, so here it is! The only thing that is missing is the text, which I am having Jo, a chinese student in the class, make up some cligraphy for. I'll switch in the finnished copy when it is done.

.The Rub.

2005-11-26T11:00:00.000-05:00

So, here it is. The Rub. The site really is giving away free ipods, but there is a catch that involves some very guilty work. What one has to do is get five different friends to sign up for the 'deals' that freeipod.com promotes, and sign up for one 'yerself. Then they send YOU a free ipod. Your friends, however, have to go through the same rigmoral if they want to get an ipod, but anyone can only sign up once, and only one person can sign up per household! It's perhapse not as bad as some scams (being as they actually do send you an Ipod), but it still makes you feel all guilty inside :P ... of coarse, if you ARE interested, feel free to use MY link below... ;)
FreeIpod.com

call me gullible...

2005-11-21T10:53:00.000-05:00

Aparently, these people are going to send me an IPod nano. I read a few reviews of the site, and supposedly they're legit. I'll let you know if it comes through, but here's the site anyway...

http://ipods.freepay.com/?r=25200995

Better.

2005-10-26T00:24:00.000-04:00

Yesturday got better, so here's some lyrics. Guess the band! Some of you are not alowed to try (you know who you are!) ... it's just to easy for you ;)

The tactful cactus by your window
Surveys the prairie of your room
The mobile spins to its collision
Clara puts her head between her paws
They've opened shops down West side
Will all the cacti find a home
But the key to the city
Is in the sun that pins
the branches to the sky

Worst.Day.Ever.

2005-10-25T15:43:00.000-04:00

Well, ok, mabe not the ABSOULTE worst, but it certainly makes a good template for it. Forgot my keys in the bathroom this morning, so of coarse when I'm already late for class Jeff is in the shower. Which means I'm here at the art building untill 7ish when Amanda is home. I can't even get into my apartment if the door to the building is open. I have a crit today, and without my keys (which are in the apartment I can't get into), I can't open my locker to get at my suplies so I can get a little extra work done. To top it off, the lab that I had this morning (which has been a joke so far) turned out to be much much harder than normal. Getting to it late certainly didn't help.

All is not totaly lost. I should be able to get into one of my locks, so I can at least get at my prints for the crit. While getting together with Trev and the rest of the magic crew was a blast last weekend, I really should have gotten the work done I had planned instead. Would have looked better at the crit.....

Oh well. At least it's cold and raining outside.

Grumble grumble brumble...

2005-10-05T12:51:00.000-04:00

And suddenly I don't like digital media anymore ... funny how things can change so quickly, how a few moments in a class can completely change my opinion of it.

The air here is just so completely charged with pretencious babble. It makes me want to write a book titled "Speak like and ARTIST!" just to poke fun at the whole lot of them.

And now I'm being a sort of Anti-Pretensious Pretentious. I'm really tired.

Got my fill of ego-boost, though. I have the opertunity to show off my Tecky Mustle, helping out with projectors and what not.

Damn, do I ever just want to sleep right now.

AHHHH!!!!!!!!!

2005-09-29T17:35:00.000-04:00

LITHOGRAPHY IS EATING MY BRAIN!!!!!

If only...

2005-09-29T12:12:00.000-04:00

If only I had more time on my hands. Then I would participate in the coalition .... I heared what happened at the last meeting, and I wish I could join in. For some reason, I always get an intense desire to Mediate. I don't really understand why. I guess that when I see situations from the outside, and especially when they threaten to tare something good apart, I get this need to take action. I get pissed off I hear of people being intentionally vague and refusing to work together for a sollution. It's like they expect everyone around them to have this special insight into their heads.

Basically, what I am getting at is that the RPG Coalition is a good thing. It means that the fat kid who loves shadowrun but somehow ended up on the 9th floor of Mac Hall surrounded by enjineers who just want to drink and party all the time (and lets say that he dousn't like alcohol yet either) actually has a group he can join to take him out of the hell of his living conditions.

In short, I aplaud all of you who are doing what I can not, even if you would rather not, to keep the group going. I just hope you don't tare yourselves, and the coalition, apart due to personal differences.

That would be a crying shame.

oooo, and I want to play with signs too .... I think I'll make a reality rejection sign right now ....

I Regect Your Reality and Substitute My Own...

2005-09-27T11:36:00.000-04:00

It's perspective time! Seems as if I am getting far to stressed out lately. I've been running around trying to keep on top of all the things I need to buy and the projects I have to produce. In the meantime, I have let one of my classes (the CS one) slip out of my concious day-to-day thought. I have skipped two lectures already, and I missed the deadline to hand in a project propossal (which I still havn't done). All so that I could be prepared for every Lithography class. And so, I have decided to stop putting so much stock in Litho. I'm just going to do everything on the weekends from now on.

Thats Perspective so far. More later.

WHAT WE LEARNED FROM THE CON

2005-08-29T17:44:00.000-04:00

1. Hotdogs, while the lifeblood of some, when combined with the smoke of cigaretts produce a smell that is nothing short of putrid to some of our visiting celebrities (we still love you, Jhonen!).

2. Don't bye anything until the end, cus' that’s when they drop their prices (seemingly just to piss you right off!)

3. Walking around on concrete all day is hard on an old man's ankles! (sorry Jamie, couldn't resist!)

4. Crispin Glover is a very very boring man. But he does have a vision. So I guess that makes him a Boring Man with Vision (Whatever that may be!)

5. alcohol + R2-D2 = hilarious (submitted by KevCon)

6. B-list actors can be such assholes. Just because you were on a bunch of shows where you played a semi-angsty vampire, and happened to rack up enough idiot fans who are willing to pay $200 dollars to watch you chew potatoes, doesn’t mean you are exempt from time constraints! We missed some good Jhonen time because of you and your sorry-assed fans! And your ass is sorry too! HA!

7. lines are a constant and necisary evil (Matt)

8. Gary Gygax is a lesser star than Elvira in the eyes of most (Matt) (Tris-> Even Here!)

9. Middle-aged fat men in spandex wrestling costumes are generally a bad think (Matt)

For any of you who were also there, if you think of any more "THINGS WE LEARNED AT THE CON", let me know in the journal and I'll edit the original post :)

FEEL GOOD!

2005-08-25T14:55:00.000-04:00

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Feel good, shake it, shake it, shake it.
City's breakin' down on a camel's back.
They just gotta go 'cuz they dont know whak
So all ya fill the streets it's a pity to see.
You wont get out the county, 'cos you're bad and free.
You've got a new horizon it's the ephemeral style.
A melancholy town where we never smile.
And all I wanna hear is the message beep.
My dreams, they gotta kiss 'cause I don’t get sleep, no.
BEEP
Windmill, Windmill for the land.
Turn forever hand in hand.
Take it all in on your stride.
It is taking, falling down.
Love forever love is free.
Let's turn forever you and me.
Windmill, windmill for the land.
Is everybody in?
Laughing gas theese hazmats, fast cats, Linin' 'em up like ass cracks, Ladys, homies at the track,It's my chocolate attack.
Shit, I'm stepping in the heart of this here.
Care bear bumpin in the heart of this here.
Watch me as I gravitate,Ahahahahaaaa.
Yo, We goin'to ghost town,This motown, this chostown You're in the place,Go bite the dust,Can’t fight with us,With your sound you kill the INC.
So, dont stop, get it, get it,Until you're jet ahead, Watch the way I navigate, Ahahahahaaaaa.
shake it, shake it, shake it, Feel good.
Windmill, Windmill for the land.
Learn forever hand in hand.
Take it all in on your stride.
It is taking, falling down.
Love forever love is free.
Let's turn forever you and me.
Windmill, windmill for the land,Is everybody in?
Dont stop, get it ,get it, We are your captains in it (feel good), Steady, Watch me navigate,Ahahahaaaaa(feel good)
Dont stop, get it, get it, We are your captains in it (feel good), Steady, Watch me navigate,Ahahahaaaaa (feel good).
shake it, shake it, shake it, Feel good.
Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaa...

song from the workman

2005-08-23T10:15:00.000-04:00

all of us kids

These initial shock waves can't last
They're gonna want to see the real love
Soon
They're gonna want to see the real bombs in the air
They're gonna want to hear the real songs in their ears
They're gonna burn the flag poles when they find out
They're gonna cry with salty tears
They're gonna call themselves witnesses for the truth
They're gonna speak the broken language of love
And all of us kids want the same thing from our lives
So come on out now before we start shooting
We're gonna tear the bars off the windows
And our voices will be instruments for the truth
Then we'll probably migrate to the coast line
To tangle with the salt in the air
Listen to the hush of our babies
After all the fighting is through
And the evening will come true to all who suffer
And the morning come a chance to renew

Zen Thinking

2005-07-17T23:37:00.000-04:00

I was just changing The Cat's litter, and being that I seem to have a stronger stomach then some, I have come to wonder if the activity isn't more than a little Zen (to use the north American bastardization of the word's meaning). I comb through the shit with my little combination seive/shovle, clearing the strange sand-like material of the animal's leavings. Every so often I change the stuff completely, but every time I smooth out the surface when through.

You could say that the art of litter-box cleaning is an effort in futility - It seems as if The Cat shits all over it mere moments after it is done. But every time the calming procedure is through, I can be happy in knowing that there is a contented kitty that is just ecstatic that her toilet just got flushed.

What could more satisfying than knowing that one simple action will make another individual happy every time you do it, without the pleasure ever wearing off (even if the reason is because she has a much shorter short-term memory) ?

I recommend *cough cough, nudge nudge* that you try it some time, and find your own little Zen place.

.... Maybe I'll get some little sculpted shrubs to put around the edges ....

do YOU speak Nicaraguwan Death Pearot? I think not....

2005-07-09T13:08:00.000-04:00

SWEEET! Art history is finaly done, and now I have two extra days open in my week! This is most exceltent, I think.

There is so much that I want to do with that time, so I'll have to get to thinking about what I really should do. What I should be doing is cracking out my paints, exerciseing my way to some unique vista, and art-ing up a storm. Heh, we'll see if it happens. You never know with me...

I really, really, really want to start up a webcomic, so I'll probably take up Kevin's offer and make him a webcomic site, and make one for myself in the proces.

I'm finaly out from under the yoke of Computer Science for a while! I've got 3 Vis Arts courses lined up so far, and I'm just considering what else I want to take in my new digs as a CompSci/VisArts Honours student .... probably end up with a psych or math, since I still need those :S.

Anyway, this is my update .... probably helped me more than you :P

and Dave, be online more! I am available 9Am untill 5Pm, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays ... grrrrr, too much IT!!!!

D&D Game!

2005-05-29T11:39:00.000-04:00

I gues my last post wasn't very clear (in my sometimes nut-so style), so I thought I would say things a little more planely. I am going to be running a game for the summer. Two people are for sure and are in the process of making characters for me. There are two spots left open, so if you want one let me know (although, one of those spots is probably resurved for Trev....).

ahh ... the geekdom ...

2005-05-11T22:16:00.000-04:00

Although, being as I don't ACTUALLY bite the heads off chickens, I'm not really a geek....

but anyways ....

I've started looking things up and writing things down ... I will get together the d and the d soon, so for you's who still be in the big W, I'm looking for four (and I've already got three, I think...)

yeah ... Koala Bears .... cutest infestation - EVER.

So long and thanks for all the fish!

Stalkers with Class...

2005-05-01T00:28:00.000-04:00

Well, it's been 4 days so far since we've heard anything new out of the latest creepy stalker-type. .... I really don't know what to think of these folks. I can understand that some of you get a sort of preverse pleasure out of watching without being seen (Voyerism is a cultural thing - a real fad..), but just what do you get out of this anonymous message dropping?

Ok, so anonymous love letters can certainly be romantic ... and it's always nice to know you are adored (thanks for that. being the boyfriend my opinion, however valid, tends to get shunted off into the "it's your JOB to say that!" catagory...). Anonymous comments on an individual's blog, however, are not romantic. At best they are lazy, tacky, and more than just a little creepy....

In this day and age, the stalkers pretty easy to play. If you have the setup, you could persue a person from the comfort of your own couch, never leaving its perfect grooves. You could be a sentient potato, setting out to scare some poor maiden into loving you (cus' we all know thats the best way to get apreciated...).

She's made of tougher stuff than that....

So if your gonna play the stalker, play one with class. Get off your ass, spend the ten cents on stamps, and mail a letter.

#6

Shadow, shadow
go away!
Don't come back
another day!
I will not run,
I will not hide.
I promis I am
whole inside.
Cus' I have been here
for a while.
I've cherished every
secret smile.
And here I'll be
tomorow still.
My given heart.
My wishing will.

The Final Truth Behind the Cake

2005-03-17T10:58:00.000-05:00

A few of you have heard the complete description of what I affectionately call my ‘fruitcake principal’, and I suddenly feel like sharing it with anyone who wants to read about it, and this time without my general self-deprecating attitude (no more ‘to anyone who will listen, though I know no one will’). Maybe this will help some of you understand why I’m so weird. But probably not.

In the past, I have been told that it is a stupid and meaningless idea, and that the idea would only offend the recipient. Tonight I have finally found it in myself to forgive her for any past hurts she has ever caused me, including that one (which, incidently, was right near the end). I’ve turned the blade white, as it were(Any of you geeks get the line? Anyone? You’re the coolest, in my books....)

And now the promised goods....

The Fruitcake Principle originated somewhere in grade 12 or OAC (more probably it was the latter). I had a very good friend at the time who I had only known for a very little while, but who I felt close to none the less, and she was feeling very very depressed at the time. I never knew then just what was getting her down, but being her friend I decided I would set about trying to cheer her up. Now, right around that time I was going through some of the most important parts of my own little crisis of faiths, and I had been thinking in round about ways about the importance of people and their place in the universe. Seeing my friend there, thinking she was the lowest of the low and not worth caring for, I decided to put two and two together and make six.

Those who get close to me know that I have a bit of a quirky wit and a very odd sense of humor. This is what came out of it:

I would like you to think, for a moment, on the cosmic importance of fruitcake. Pretty small is what I’m guessing most of you are thinking right now. Why? Well, because it’s fruitcake and, by the simple North American stereotypes, pretty boring stuff (if not downright dangerous, depending on its age!)

So, given the unfortunate confection’s reputation, do you think you are more important than fruitcake? I don’t think there is anyone, no mater the state of their depression, who can honestly say that they are, in fact, of less cosmic importance than a small, most probably stale, baked good.

The next question is, quite simply, why? What makes you so sure? Who are you that you can, without a shadow of a doubt, place yourself above anything even if it is just fruitcake? Can you really present some sort of infallible proof that sets your importance over this freezer-burned treat, beyond blind faith and/or your own physical senses?

The truth is that there is no such thing as 100% - all you can really have is an idea you can hope to share with others. Since you, or anyone else, can’t truly prove your own cosmic importance above the stuff, then fruitcake, in all it’s rocky goodness, must be more cosmically important than you (or anything else, for that matter!)

At this point, I’m getting a “thanks a lot Tristan! As if I wasn’t depressed enough as it is, now I have you telling me I’m not worth fruitcake!”

Wait, wait! Don’t go anywhere! I’m not quite finished yet, there’s more (she stayed and, being my friend and knowing my sense of humor, gave me a little patience....)

Some of you may have caught an important little fallacy in my insistence that none of you are fit to lick fruitcake’s boots (although I personally like the stuff AND it’s tasty boots). The inconsistency is this: If there is no true 100% proof that you are more important than fruitcake, than how can I really say that fruitcake is the most important thing in that cosmic order of all things? I can’t (and neither can fruitcake, for that matter!)

What is the point of all this? First off, since we can’t prove that we are, in the grand scheme of things, more important than a simple dessert (albeit a socially unacceptable one), and at the same time we can’t prove this sweet-thing’s importance over us, then we must all be, by inference, equal, and therefore fruitcake. Second, since you can’t really prove anything beyond the confines of your own mind, you are then simultaneously the most important and least important thing ever in the universe, cosmos, creation, and beyond. Good for you :)

In the end, we laughed and she told me that I had cheered her up. Which is, of coarse, the whole point.

le sigh...

2005-03-07T16:44:00.000-05:00

People from various quarters keep bugging me for not posting anything anywere, so here's the next instalment of 'le sigh' .....

If I were a BFA in vissual arts right now .... I would have an 11.25 major average ....

Thats just a smidge better than the 6.45 I'm hanging on to right now....

... le sigh ...

Well Fuck Me Sideways ...

2005-01-30T01:23:00.000-05:00

Those who have known me for a long time may be suprised to learn that I swear alot now. I know! It's pretty crazy.

I've finnally discovered what is has been driving me to curse: movies like Sideways. Don't go see this film. Drown puppies instead.

2005-01-21T11:27:00.000-05:00

I met a man today with fingernails filed to sharp points. He informed me that he was illiterit (though I do not think that he realised just how what he had hoped was a very sofisticated and convoluted statement was interpreted by myself), and then proceded to question me on standered procedures. His eventual conclusion was that I, as an extension of my peers, worked entirely on a priciple of self serving bias, rather than customer service. Inside, I burst out laughing (Dave will get this). After getting my mind back in order, I corected him, telling him that it really dousn't matter wether or not any of my clients learn anything from my visits or not - I get the same amount of work out of a day regardless. I'm sure he smiled knowingly and checked off another point for the greedy human animal on the little clipboard in his head. I got a good laugh out of it.

So what have we learned today?

a) Be humble. You don't know everything, and no mater how conveniant an excuse SSB might seem, not everything is directly related to it.

and, b) You are a philosophy student. Stop trying to act like a psycologist at a cocktail party.

Tristan For The Day

Floating

2004-12-15T20:01:00.000-05:00

...And all of us kids want
the same things, from our li-ives
So common out with your hands out
before we start
Shooting!

-Das Haux

2004-12-14T11:24:00.000-05:00

Exams, Bizatches!

Tale of the Emerald Frog

2004-12-13T11:24:00.000-05:00

Silly Boy says:
once upon a time there was a frog
Silly Boy says:
who had a pelt of emerald green
Silly Boy says:
he lived in his favorite bog
Silly Boy says:
and sang in the local jazz sceene
Crazyindianjoe - tell me a story says:
a frog you say, a frog with a pelt, living in a bog
Crazyindianjoe - tell me a story says:
a singing frog with a pelt living in a bog
Silly Boy says:
an EMERALD pelt...
Crazyindianjoe - tell me a story says:
it was made of emeralds?
Silly Boy says:
uh... sure
Crazyindianjoe - tell me a story says:
did this frog win the emerald pelt singing jazz?
Silly Boy says:
no, he was a lucky bugger and born with it
Crazyindianjoe - tell me a story says:
wow, it must be a pretty small pelt if he had it inside his egg
Silly Boy says:
it grew out ... they are CRYSTAL emeralds ... yeah, and they grew as he grew from a tadpol...
Crazyindianjoe - tell me a story says:
that's a pretty cool pelt
where might I find one like that?
Silly Boy says:
are you a frog?
Crazyindianjoe - tell me a story says:
I'm a turtle, does that count?
Silly Boy says:
nope, tough luck buddy
Crazyindianjoe - tell me a story says:
damn
Silly Boy says:
join the club. I'm a fox, so I haven't a chance either
Crazyindianjoe - tell me a story says:
oh well, I guess we'll have to get along without somehow
Silly Boy says:
indeed
Silly Boy says:
although it's a crying shame
Crazyindianjoe - tell me a story says:
Oh I agree, a crying shame
Silly Boy says:
a shame for crying ... and so-forth

song

2004-12-06T14:48:00.000-05:00

Alive in the house of Golden Leaves
We're never alone walking through the trees
I have her and she has me
As we trundle along and see what we can see

Then sometimes I trip but her hand is there
To catch mine when I'm spinning out through the air
She's my best friend and I love her dearly
She's the fruit of my soul, I can see that clearly

Alive in the House of Golden Leaves

2004-10-28T19:50:00.000-04:00

Be Sure. Whats the diff, outside your head? You're still wakeing up (hopefully) -the same every day. Smile and let it wash over you. And then let them give you presents :D

Alive in the House of Dreams

2004-10-01T13:04:00.000-04:00

or 'Living with Dreamers'

There have been scores of councilors and 'experts' who have commented on the difference between 'dreamers' and 'doers'. Now, these people are most obviously of the 'doer' variety, seeing as they so readily go out of their way to try and help people with this dreaming personality defect. Apparently, it is vitally important for us Human beings to be able to either direct our imaginations onto socially acceptable paths or to suppress them entirely.

But this isn't about them, it's about us ... and I can say that, cus' if I'm not a dreamer I don't know who is.

Really, there is no one to blame, no smoking gun out there to point the proverbial finger at. A hundred professors and psychoanalysts will tell you that we are a product of our 20th and 21st centuries (or 19th, whatever you like to call it. The TV days, really). And in many ways, they are entirely correct, except for one small flaw - there has always been dreamers. It is an age-old profession that has bred world leaders and spectacular artists. And crappy ones too, but that’s a different story.

So we've been learning about Guy Debord and Baudrillard in CVC (Contemporary Visual Culture for you un-cultures half-wits ;), and it got me to thinking about dreaming. The problem today, and here is where 'society' fits in, is that people get all desensitized to it. Today's dreamers are something more (or perhaps less). They are disconnected from the sky they walk on. They get depressed because they can't seem to figure out how to get grounded, to get back into their bodies. But most of them don't know that this is why they are depressed. Its all one big wish-wash of confusing realities, and it all comes down to 'crap'. Did you catch all that? Doesn’t matter if you didn't, there isn't going to be any test. Well, really, there is a test, but there is no paper and no pencils. It's all about what you say when you ask yourself 'how the hell are you?'. Is it all crap? Or is it sunny out with a chance of rain, but that’s ok cus' you've got your umbrella. That’s the conundrum, and most of the time for most of the people, it's just a nicely packaged pile of Ikea-grade poop. And it really makes you want the lamp that completes the set.

But enough of falling off the train. The thing that I realized while walking back from class today, listening to 'a Stranger' on my portable heaven, is that what the dreamers are suffering from is a sort of observer's syndrome. If you asked me why I was continuously re-tapping up the Hallowe’en decorations, even though I know that they will just fall down again, then I would have to tell you about my first girlfriend and how she broke up with me. You see, she was trying to explain to me how she just didn't feel the way she thought she should about me, and gave this analogy: If a member of your family and some other person were hanging within an inch of their lives from a rickety bridge above a raging gorge, and you could rescue only one of them, who would you rescue. Now, she told me this from her perspective, and the whole point of the exercise was the fact that in such a fantastical situation she would choose her family member and let me fall to my horrible death, and so we shouldn't be dating anymore. Of coarse, she didn't mention death or horrible, but you get the gist. When she asked me what I thought of the whole thing, and I can remember the exact state of mind that I was in at the time, in a sort of fog of cold logic, I informed her that I would try and rescue both anyway. At the time, it probably seemed like a desperate attempt to hold things together, but in many ways I quite agreed with her that things weren't really working out. I like to play devil's advocate, so when there is a debatable issue that I feel something about, I like to debate it. What the hell does this have to do with Hallowe'en decorations or, for that mater, dreamers? Well, I tape stuff back up because I noticed it falling, and because I have tape.

This is not to say that you should go out and help every alcoholic get on the wagon, or feed every mouth in Windsor that can't find the food themselves.

Really it doesn’t mean much at all. But if you are depressed, you need to get grounded. How you do that, whether it's by enjoying the leaves on the trees or getting into a bloody street fight is up to you. One lets you keep more teeth, though.

woh

2004-08-30T11:16:00.000-04:00

So I'm going to make a concession: I will give in to my aparent Keanou resemblance just this once.

Woh.

That was spectacular. Brilliant. Amazing. If you haven't seen Hero, do so. Go now. RUN TO THE THEATER!!!! DO IT!!! The cinamatography was stunning. The colours were gorgeous (even I could tell). The leaf scene was amazing. I've run out of descriptive words... so lets just say the movie was like hagus to a scotsman who really really REALLY loves the putrid stuff .... maybe not such a good description, unless your a crazy scotsman who really likes hagus.

Amazing. There were like 5 service requests all day. And it's just a week before classes. Better not jinx it, huh.

Personaly, I can't wait. Maybe not quite as much as I couldn't wait before, since now I'm going to have to fight my way into the class that I wanted to take, but can't waitingness all the same.

I'm debateing on whether or not to to go insane for the next few weeks. Stay posted if you really care about my decision...

'le sigh'

2004-08-18T10:43:00.000-04:00

Aaaaand I'm in a slump again. But just for today ...

I'm feeling restless, like all I want to do is choose a direction and run. It happens every once in a while. I get to feeling like I'm not going anywhere, like I should be drawing and painting and writing and coding, all day and every day. Like I'm becoming stagnant - and I hate myself for it.

Then I look at everything everyone else is doing. I look at Deviant Art or Elfwood or, most recently, my co-workers, and I see just how much more it seems that they are accomplishing even with work. Meanwhile here I am, getting excited to buy some DnD miniatures tonight. I doodle little things on sticky-notes during calls, and I pick up my guitar maybe once a week.

These are the days I want to DO something, and these are the days when I think I'm not worthy to.

But ignore this post, as I've said in the past, cus' it'll pass. I know I'm being foolish and stoopid (yes stoopid), that I'm not quite as worthless as I appear to myself. I know that I'm not wasting my time quite as much as I think I am. I'm maintaining a wonderful relationship with an amazing girl. I'm having fun with my friends. I'm working 5 days a week, and going away on mini 'vacations' almost every weekend. I'm playing.

The reason I don't feel up to being artistic is that I'm often mentally drained by the time I get home, and just want to do mundane things, which isn't so bad. Sometimes I just need time to recharge.

So ignore this post, I know I shouldn't feel this way.
I'll just have to feel better, on some other day.

New! Better!

2004-08-03T15:42:00.000-04:00

I hate it when I'm grouching.

So last week I was in a bad mood. Then the weekend came around and I had fireworks on my birthday (and a random magician decided to put a show on in the park next to my house). Talk about awesome. Kev, Meagan and Jeremy came down and we all had a blast of a time. And Amanda was there, woo! It's awesome that she loves my home just as much as I do. Cus' there is nothing like swimming and sand.

My interest in Magic was at a low. For some reason I just couldn't bring myself to play a game or even make a deck. Then Trev gave me two tooth and nail for my birthday, and I felt kinda bad cus' I was still in a rut. Recharged now from this weekend, though, I feel like jumping back into the action and getting my loosing streak on again. YEAH! Anyone up for a game?

All around I feel like I've balanced out again. Sometimes life just seems to dip for me before springing back up again....

So I've said it before and I'll say it again: Ignore what has come before this post... most of it is crap.

complain complain!

2004-07-23T16:41:00.000-04:00

Lately I've noticed that everyone is complaining on their blogs. They have been expressing things that have been bothering them, things that have been getting them down, and sometimes just vague feelings of unhappyness. Really, things are a mess under the serface in wonderland.

People have problems - thats life.

What I don't understand is some of the responses that these blogs. In some cases, people are giving advice, or taking a hardline aproach and telling the individual in question what is what. I have no problem with this at all, infact I think it is necessary in some situations. What I do have a problem with, what I am seething about right now, is the snide comments about complaints and complainers. Complaint is a very important thing to being alive. It is a way of getting your problems out in the open where you can look at them, and where you can have others look at them too if you really need it (and sometimes if you don't).

When it comes to something like these blogs, it's very easy to atack a complaint. You can't see the person's face when your doing it. I just think people need to think before they respond to a post where someone is unloading. Sometimes it's a very important thing, and the wrong comment belittles that confidence.

I mean, if I told everyone who complained in my presence to go suck a dick, what would they think of me? They'ed probly call me Hacket ;)

The Song of Jill

2004-07-21T12:02:00.000-04:00

"I hate this computer so muuuuuch, that I will sing about it. Doo doo doo de da doo."
-Jillian Lunn, Co-Worker

.Computers Suck.

I was walking to the school one day
to see what I could see
when suddenly a computer did
apear right in front of me

It's lights were all flashing
Red green and blue
"A moment" it asked me
"I seem to have some cpu flu"

So I sat there beside it
A few minutes to spare.
I didn't think that it just might
Take a whole day of my care.

The moral of the story
When a computer is in need
Don't trust what it says to you
You just might get an anurism.
-Tristan, The Lord Of Your House

It's nice to know that I have a solid investor in the small business of me

2004-07-12T15:59:00.000-04:00

Ignore the title, it's not meant for you. Not you! I wrote it for you, so you can read it :P

So DnD! yay! There has been a definite dry spell lately of this favorite of games, and it is nice to see it pick up again. I am heavily looking forward to Richard's campaign taking place this wednesday. HYUA for giant scyths!

There has been alot of talk about 'what makes a good campaign' lately. I disagree with some stuff that has been said, and I agree with some other stuff that has been said. I am going to be trying to put together a little campaign of my own pretty soon, and I will be taking much of what is said to heart. Personaly, for me the perfect campaign setting, and I have been preeching this to dave, is one where perhapse great and far-reaching things are taking place in the world around the characters, but that it is up to the characters to decide just what they are going to do about it. So the DM drops things in the character's path, like a group of soldures forcibly conscripting people around the them (and maybe them next). The characters could flee into the woods, where they would have to survive while they try and smuggle themselves across the border. They could stand and fight the force of corruption, sneeking in to the castle and disposing of the evil archmage behind it. Or they could do nothing and eventually be conscripted along with the rest, and consiquently be thrown into a war they didn't want to fight. Thats the kind of game Id like to run, or even play in. The DM should encourage radical thinking, and should reward or punish them depending on their actions in the game.

As a potential DM this method is atractive to me, as running the shifting politics of the world would add a very interesting and engageing layer to the campaign. Hmmm ... maybe I could put together a random table of faction dominances and political moves too...

not that anyone cares ... not that you should ... but more to come, and hopefully soon ;)

-a pineapple

2004-06-23T13:12:00.000-04:00

SO my Pepsi tastes like dust and my chocolait milk is watered down with REGULAR milk. Terrable! more on this later...

2004-06-22T16:35:00.000-04:00

So I was told that I need to update this, so here is my update: Pepsi is gooood. I was on my way back from a call when I passed a pop machine, and I decided 'why not go for a Pepsi'. After all, I hadn't had one in a long time. So I did, and let me tell you, it is something else. Coke just doesn’t cut it. I mean sure, Coke can melt the rust off of nuts and bolts, but it just doesn’t have that good good Pepsi taste.

So that’s my update. 2 out of 3 Tristans prefer Pepsi over Coke. Not to shabby numbers, if you ask me.

So...

2004-06-03T10:24:00.000-04:00

Continueing on ...

After dinner we went to a Play, "Art", which was HILARIOUS. Go see it if you can. Find a showing in your city, get a director and teem together and produce it, whatever. Just see this play.

going on a call, brb....

Back ... that was interesting, I just fixed this lady's Notus Lotes (:p), and I have absolutely no idea what I did... bonus!

So back to stuff ... here is why you should see that play:

If I am who I am because I am who I am
and you are who you are because you are who you are
Then I am who I am because I am who I am
and you are who you are because you are who you are

...BUT...

If I am who I am because you are who you are
and you are who you are because I am who I am
Then I am not who I am because I am who I am
and you are not who you are because you are who you are

So go see the play! Afterwords we went to the loop. Yay loop! I lovers it at the loop. You all should come too sometime ... especially YOU. My legs hurt for a few days afer, I was bouncing around so hard. Good workout! Amanda's hairs were all braided cool, and she had a blast swinging them around.

The next day we ate with Amanda's parents again (pinaple chicken kabobs! awsome!) then watched Bill and Ted's excellent adventure. Great movie, altho they all think I look like keano now (:S). Fun times!

More dinner tonight ... and we are going to make cookies to make our who are not so happy, well, happy...

Be happy! Eat candy if you must!

IamA

2004-06-03T10:22:00.000-04:00

discover what candy you are @ quiz me

I am a puss ... in boots

2004-06-02T12:10:00.000-04:00

Antonio Bendaris is AWSOME. Go see Shrek 2.... do it!
For those who don't know, I am a happy little fox with my happy little cheese and I've met the cutest little kitten in the WHOLE WORLD!

...Which means I'm in love...

(for those of you to dense to figure that out)

Last weekend was terriably terriably fun AND exciting. First we went to Amanda's house. We wern't orrigionally planning to meet her parents, but we ended up staying long enough and they came home. Amanda was a bit scared of this meeting (and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't too), but things ended up going very well (I think) ... and I was well fed, which makes me happy :P ...

I'll finnish this later ... lunch time :)

Victoria Day Weekend Adventure

2004-05-25T11:24:00.000-04:00

It didn't rain...

It didn't pour...

no, the sky opened up and fell on us :P

For those wondering how the Matthew Good concert went ... it was AWESOME!
The first band wasn't bad, we just sat in the bleachers for that one. Then thunder stared, and the first few drops hit our hands. Once Turn Off the Stars (those oppening guys) finnished up, I decided I wanted to go take a look at the merchandice. So we took a walk to see some Tshirts.
It started to rain. Everyone stuck around, cus' the concert was under the plan "rain or shine". Then it started to pour. The concert coordinators told everyone to come back in 45 minuits as the following acts had to be delayed for safety reasons. So we decided to make for the relative safety and heat of the car. Then the gods took up an ocean and droped it on us. It was so bad that, in the words of Mark, we were "drowning while running". We lost the car, even though we were like 5 feet from it, because we couldn't see a thing. And of coarse, as soon as we got in, the rain stopped. Yay! So, soaked to the bone, we took a drive in to town for the local Timmies. Timmies was packed, though, so Mark started driving back towards the concert. He turned to us and asked if there were any objections to finnishing this thing we had started, saying he didn't want to force anyone to stay. We all agreed to see it through. So we clustered around the stage with the 50 to 100 other fans, trying to absorbe a little heat from our fellows. Matt ended up playing only a half an hour later than schedualled, and we got an hour and a quarter of pure Matt Good-ness. Amanda and I got nice and close to the front, and despite a few assholes (high and otherwise), had a blast.

So that was our Victoria Day Weekend Adventure, and here are a few words from our sponsors:

The sky was shining with silver light
the sun through clouds as dark as night
there to be baptised by the sky
heaven's trumpets loosened pealing cry

And under the crash of nature's sound
a little light would there be found
as fireworks creased the drunken sky
this brand new love made a happy sigh

2004-05-20T01:01:00.000-04:00

I thought I'd put the walls back up
but then you made them fall
I see now they were made of dust and fear
Old walls
That were never meant to be

seed lulaby

2004-05-19T02:54:00.000-04:00

There is a seed
hideing deep inside of me
allways here, and never showing
but deep inside me it keeps growing

And everyone could stop and look
but never see inside of me
deep down this buried, humbled seed
that once she touch my soul to feed

2004-05-18T12:00:00.000-04:00

Like a Kitten, pet for the very first time!
Like a Kiiiiiiiten, with your mouse feet, next in line!

I don't care if monday's blue

2004-05-15T03:01:00.000-04:00

Tuesday's grey and wednesday too
Thursday i don't care about you
It's friday i'm in love
Monday you can fall apart
Tuesday wednesday break my heart
Thursday doesn't even start
It's friday i'm in love

Saturday wait
And sunday always comes too late
But friday never hesitate...

I don't care if monday's black
Tuesday wednesday heart attack
Thursday never looking back
It's friday i'm in love

Monday you can hold your head
Tuesday wednesday stay in bed
Or thursday watch the walls instead
It's friday i'm in love

Saturday wait
And sunday always comes too late
But friday never hesitate...

Dressed up to the eyes
It's a wonderful surprise
To see your shoes and your spirits rise
Throwing out your frown
And just smiling at the sound
And as sleek as a shriek
Spinning round and round
Always take a big bite
It's such a gorgeous sight
To see you eat in the middle of the night
You can never get enough
Enough of this stuff
It's friday
I'm in love

and now a word from our sponser:

Give me a clue
Oh lady blue
And whisper your name to me
I'll give you a smile
It'll last for a while
Never again want for love, wait and see

Lady P, Lady P
won't you come
and dance with me?
cus' I've been waiting for a while
just to see that cutest smile
grace those alabaster cheeks
because you're the one
that my heart seeks

note from your lord an master here in the land of the field day: Yay for cheezynessess!

Where the wild things grow...

2004-05-13T15:19:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting up so very high,
upon this peak here in the sky.
The ground bellow is an easy fall,
should I just get to the earth and crawl.
Or should I grow my wing and fly,
into the sun, so very high.

If the Devil Grabs your Wings, give him a Kiss...

2004-05-09T03:09:00.000-04:00

It'll confuse the hell out of him, and make your victory all the sweeter when you finnaly find someone to help you sew them back on ;)

Which brings me to my next point: symbols. Who needs wings? The most important things, the things that truely decide who will love us and who will hate us are the things no one can see, or touch, or hear, and yet are the most tangable sensations we can experience. So your wings are a symbol of purity, or maybe of goodness. But what makes you more worthy than the black-garbed teenager awash in steel raiments? Why is your life more inportant than their's?

What is Karma? It is an Idea for a sensation, a word associated with a feeling. Withought feeling, word is meaningless. Words are a conveniance, a practical way to transfer understanding about feelings, but words are just as much a trap when we begin to relly to much upon them and forget the true root. The emotion. The deep down inside that is still there no mater how depressed you will ever, ever get.

So the devil stole my wings. I say he can have them, cus' I'm still here, and I know that there is sombody who loves me. Even if they don't know it yet. And I know there is someone I love, even if I don't know it yet. And when we touch, I'll give feeling a name ... if I feel like it ;)

I don't think I'm quite getting my point accross. We separate ourselves from the people around us by words, ideas, and beliefes when the things that are the most important can never be truely described ... and so our tools become our creeds, and we end up killing for them, making up new words as excuses.

So don't make words, grab the feelings that are already there. Make them your own, cus' they belong to you. Then you can touch someone else and share them.

So smile,
just because you can,
and give a word it's wings,
but only if you want to.
Just smile all the same.

And Jam if you can, cus' it's a hell of alot of fun. And if you can't, get into it anyway. Just for kicks.

I don't believe it, I feel it.

noooooodle!

2004-05-08T01:39:00.000-04:00

So we played some modern, and I had a blast. I made a 4 1/2 foot tall chinease mail-order DJ that can't speak a word of english (except noodle, of coarse). Who's got it? you know who you are! Patrik saw fit to give me a Chinese rocket launcher and an HK MP5 supmachine gun, and hillarious antics ensued, encluding a coup-de-gra on kirmit the frog as I held him down under one shoe. Amanda's character has pretty much adopted 'the kid', and noodle does a little dance ... I'm gonna have to draw this one for sure :p

I'm going to take this chance to slip in my stupid, cheezy little crap non-hiku, because I feel lonely after everyone has gone to bed:
one thing that I miss
is having someone to kiss
morning noon and night

it's kindof odd that I feel lonely. I mean, I'm an introvert, so I really should rellish the time I get to be alone. But I find I don't really, unless I'm exhausted. But then again, it makes sense too, I guess. Maybe thats what that dramatic little piece of trite is all about. Maybe not. Thats the hiku I was thinking about, by the way Amanda P. And someone is going to read this and laugh at me (or think it very sad). I SEE YOU!!! maybe not, but hey, it's fun to say :p

ramble ramble ramble

Van Hellsing Sucked. Music was good, but I still liked the Indiana Jones and the Last crusade music better, which I think inspired some of this. Maybe thats just nostalgia :p

I think I need to toss some paranoia, and try to dig up layedbackhappy tristan once again ... keep saying I'll do it, but then stuff keeps happening :p

well, I'll see some of you in my dreams ... but not you. You smell.

that means good night.

buzz off!

goodnight, to every little hour that you sleep tite
may it hold you through the winter of a long night
and keep you from the loneliness of yourself
heart strung is your heart frayed and empty
cause it's hard luck, when no one understands your love
it's unsung, and i say
goodnight, my love, to every hour in every day
goodnight, always, to all that's in your heart

goodnight, may your dreams be so happy and your
head lite with the wishes of a sandman and a night light
be careful not to let the bedbugs sleep tight nestled in your covers
the sun shines but i don't
a silver rain will wash away
and you can tell, it's just as well
goodnight, my love, to every hour in every day
goodnight, always to all that's pure that's in your heart
-sp

2004-05-05T16:45:00.000-04:00

... So I turn to the frog, and I ask him 'how do you keep your skin so silky smooth?', and the frog turns to me and he says 'it's all about the milk ... and the chicken'

indeed...

Morning Rolls

2004-05-04T12:03:00.000-04:00

so where yesturday I was busy from the time I got in till 2 hours after quitten' time, today nothing! half the staff isn't even in, and training is cancelled

Aaaaand ... roll over!

2004-05-04T00:46:00.000-04:00

Loooooong day of work today ... 10 hours of pain! PAIN!!! pAIn! ...

.... PAIN!

so yeah, took a this pill today (as in not that, this! THIS!) and I think it's the only thing that keapt me standing at 7 o'clock ... that and my trusty jar o' pasta! THANK YOOOOOU STEPH! Talk about power food ... I got a good lunch and dinner outta that one, and still a meal left to go! (yes, I eat nothing!) ... (it's actually not a good thing) ... (I get very cold... ) ....
so anyway, peter pan, goood movie ... finding nemo ... AWSOME! if I had a memmory, I would be quoting it, and changing my msn name and such ... but allas, this clown fish can never remember the joke (punchlines are a tOtal mystery) ... mmmm cheesy chips ... MATT GOOD ON THE 23ed!!!!

YES!

so I think that the whole world would do well to just lay back, mellow out, and be more like sea turtles ... we'd all live longer, like 150 and stuff ...

something just came to me: how many times in one lifetime can we lick our friends toes in a socially acceptable setting? Not many.

Perhapse this is a good thing...

I wish I was eating cheezy chips right now ... but they're so far away from me ... they're so faaaaaaar away.

Off for booking! I like to READ!

2004-04-30T23:21:00.000-04:00

I was starting to get a bit happy again ... new house, good friends, easy job. Then a couple days after I moved in it started to go down hill again. Started getting a bit deppressed again. Should have followed Dave's advice and not drank, but instead I got more drunk than I've ever been. Which was damn fun, I have to say, but I've gotten horriable cramps over the last few days. And I still don't know what the hell monkey ball is, though I did play it at one point that night.

... Random time ...

If boys could cry
youd see my eye glisten
but I can not stand to sigh
as I try to my friends listen

And though I love their smile
My child is dead of hearing
And I will feel this for a while
this mile that my soul is seeking

What the hell? now it's 2:15 ... what happened to happy Tristan? I was going to try and find him again. Clever guy seems to be hidding somewhere in my room, and I can't BEGIN to know where to look! And so ...

NO body LIKES me
EVERYbody HATES me
i'm going to the garden to eat WORMS

BIG FAT JUCY ones
OOY GOOY SLIMY ones
i'm going to the garden to eat WORMS

but then again, maybe it's just the hour laughing at me, and I should smash the clock... you know, I can't muster the energy to get mad, I just feel sick. Can't even write anymore... gonna go retreat into my book

2004-04-22T21:00:00.000-04:00

Whatif's keep us in the past
So think about today,
cus' you can't make tomorow
from yesturday

...

so here's today's question:

What kind of hair style should I get?

2004-04-22T01:10:00.000-04:00

annnnnnnnd ... I've done it again :p ... ok, folks, since I'm to lazy to erase all of that crap bellow, I'm just going to ask you, once again, to ignore and not read it. Not only will it make you happy, but it'll make me happy too. I've worked things through in my mind, and I've decided that the best thing to do is to grab my head, give it a shake, and get back to the business of being me. You know, that layed back guy that dousn't let things faze him? Yeah, I've missed that guy, so I'm gonna dust him off and put him back on. It's time I got back to learning how to 'love the world', as I like to call it. Maybe even get back to listening. Don't think I've done that in a while....

so ignore it all! lets just smile, nod, and tip our hats goodby, cus' I don't want to dwell on yesturday. I'm going to make my future from today

well, maybe tomorow morning...

2004-04-22T00:26:00.000-04:00

Well, I guess I've pretty much killed any chances of being even a slightly fond memory for Ava. I just read her journal, and it seems I've gone and done it again! I had considered not posting the things I had been thinking at 6am the morning she broke up with me, cus' I knew this would happen... which is, of corse, why I titled it "don't take it serriously" and why I included a statment to the effect of 'ignore me, I just feel like shooting my mouth off' .... which I don't see as a complete bad thing. I don't know why I'm writing this now, she'll probably never read it. Prolly should never have made that post, but I guess I was lashing out or something ... don't know why I'm posting this now. I mean, this is what I want, isn't it? Push her even farther away? I dunno ...

Know what, then? It's decided ... I'm a stupid, imature kid who can't seem to find his way out of the box he's put himself in. So I'm gonna go to bed, and in the morning I'm going to shave, I'm going to clean EVERYTHING, I'm gonna go swimming, I'm gonna go transfer my art video, and I'm gonna be AWAKE.

2004-04-20T14:03:00.000-04:00

Ok, you guys can comment now if you wanna. I'm borred off my ass. Exams are done and I have nothing big to worry
about anymore.

I wanna go dancing on the moon
but stay away from me with that silver spoon
I want to see the world from the balls of my feet
And never a gilden plate from which to eat

Rolling 1

2004-04-19T13:14:00.000-04:00

I saw her today at the reception
a glass of wine in her hand
I new she was going to meet her connection
At her feat was, a footloose man

You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes, you might find
You get what you need!

And I went down to the demonstration
To get my fair share of abuse
Singing we're gonna vent our frustration
If we don't we're gonna blow a fifty amp fuse

You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes, you might find
You get what you need!

AWWWW Baby, yeah!

I went down to the Chelsea drugstore
To get your prescription filled
I was standin' in line with Mr. Jimmy
A-man, did he look pretty ill

You can't always get what you want well no!
You can't always get what you want tell ya baby
You can't always get what you want no
But if you try sometimes, you just might find, mmm!
Mmm! you get what you need
Ooh yes! Woo!

You get what you need
Yeah!
Ooow, babe!
Ooh, yeah

I saw her today at the reception
In her glass was a bleeding man
She was practiced at the art of deception
Well, I could tell by her blood-stained hands
Say it!

You can't always get what you want yeah!
You can't always get a-what you want ooo-yeah, baby!
You can't always get a-what you want
But if you try sometime, you just might find
You just might find
You get what you need

Ooh, yeah!
Ooh, baby!
Woo!

Ah, you can't always get a-what you want
No, no baby

You can't always get a-what you want
Tellin' you right now

You can't always get what you want, mmm!
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You just might find, that ya
Get what you need
Oooh, yeah!

I'm tellin' the truth, babe

-The Rolling Stones

2004-04-18T20:44:00.000-04:00

The worst part is that she was the first person I truely felt comfortable enough to get out of my skin for. The only persn. Now I have to find that again. But then again, maybe thats the problem too, maybe I should be seperating myself from people instead, keep just a little back, bottle things in just a little more.

2004-04-18T20:03:00.000-04:00

I feel like a winter hat in the middle of the summer. Nobody wants to wear me, and I'm really out of place. Sure, they look all fine and dandy when it's snowing, but as soon as the summer hits you loose intrest and just put them away...

2004-04-17T14:55:00.000-04:00

I have to take that last part back a bit. I wasn't holding on to something that was empty for me, I was just often insecure about it. I'm not going to lie and say I didn't love her. Cus' I did. I don't have the anger to fill the hole this time. Maybe I'll just let it sit for a while. Soak up a little of this weather, Thanks much for that Dave. I'm gonna go clean things and eat now....

Don't Take it Seriously

2004-04-17T14:07:00.000-04:00

So don't go leaving nasty comments about my imaturity or something like that .... this is just me working things out. I started writing this when we got off the phone, and ended at 6am, so it changes. I don't really want comments. I just needed to ramble. I wasn't going to post it, had it sitting in a file on my desktop. Changed my mind.

Well ... thats it! no more intimate relationships for me! From now on I'm going to be a gutter-swilling shauvanistic pig. Cus' I really can't handle another person's feelings on top of my own feelings, and on top of fearing that I'm about to fail out of school at least once a week, and on top of actually doing said school, and on top of having friends outside of a relationship with said person, many of whom I have been neglecting as well. And then there is the stress. Man, this year has turned out to be a pile of crap.

On top of it all, I'm a compleete pussy. I should have just told her straight exactly why I've been so depressed, that often it's because of her. That in my first real relationship, the first time I actually got the licence to love someone, and that some one loved me back, that in this relationship I had my open heart ripped out in the first two months. I should have told her that ever since then I hadn't been able to really open up to her, to really freely love her. It took time to heal, and every time I got close to that level of love I had before the first fall, something happened to put me on my guard again. So no, I haven't been very forward with my side of the relationship. No, I haven't been able to be one of
the romantic studds that you moon over on the batchelor.

And I know you didn't ask for that.

you know what? I'm not looking for a mother. I have one of those, and before you I talked to her alot. It's good to have someone to unload on, and you kind of took up that mantle. And I don't quite see things straight ... because I have been staying up almost everynight to ungodly hours, often because of you. I saw this as a good thing. But the same thing happened with Nancy. I had a long distance relationship, but I still drove to see her every weekend. When I got there, I was often so burnt out that I really didn't want to, or have the energy to, do anything at all. And in the end it was 'I don't really love you the way I should' ... except that it was her who wasn't holding up her side of the relationship.

This time it was me.

I'm still not looking for a mother. I'm looking for a friend, someone to hang out with, who I can be happy with just being with them. Someone who will tell me their problems, because I like to listen to them. Someone who will complement me, but put me in my place. I don't look at what is expected of a relationship, and therein lies my problem. I want to have the trust, unconditional, so that I can give the trust in return. That is what love is for me, the trust to give someone the complete keyes to the person I am.

So in this, I am not just looking for a friend, I'm looking for my bestfriend for life. Someone to keep my trust.

It dousn't mean the same thing you think it means.

I wanted to give Ava the trust. Over the last semester, I hadn't had the energy to put much pizzaz into a relationship. That didn't mean that I didn't want one. That didn't mean that I wasn't ready for one. I was just burnt out all the time. ALL THE TIME. I don't quite know how to handle things. That is true. being all around exhausted hasn't helped....
But does that mean that, in any time of my life that I'm feeling at the bottom, even if for a few months, then I should break off my relationships?

But I'm not going to attack her judgments. It really is my fault that we have split again, and I accept that. I need to change my self and my habits, need to adjust my compass so that it stops spinning madly off in all directions. I thought that I would have someone to do that growing with, but I guess I'm on my own.

And suddenly I look back, and I reallise that there were many times that I knew she wasn't quite the one. Maybe close, but in the end there were slight little things, little shifts here and there. I know I started out thinking this would be just a casual relationship, but as alwayse I have to take the harder roads and go for something more. Which is what I really want out of a relationship. I don't want to dance with your head, and I don't want you to dance with mine. I want you to be in my mind, and I want to be in yours. Thats it. Love, unconditionaly. Maybe it dousn't exist.

2004-04-17T04:28:00.000-04:00

Ever get that feeling that your half in your next life, and that maybe there's someone walking around out there steeling all the best parts of it?

Don't Read This

2004-04-17T01:59:00.000-04:00

Ever get that feeling, when you don't want to go to sleep, your really depressed, and don't want to be alone ... you don't really want to do anything or really interact, you just don't want to be sitting in the quite of your own head ... or the not so quiet.

I guess being around others just takes your mind off being around yourself, off of thinking about the things that are bothering you. But they are still there, and as soon as the people go away, as soon as you go away from the people, the sinking feeling comes back.

So I don't want to sleep, and I don't want to be awake. I'm inbetween. Thats really how I feel about my life right now. I've been swinging back and forth on an emotional axis ... from the pleasent, almost euphoric felling I tend to get when I'm happy with my place in life, to the dark gloomyness that I'm feeling right now. I tend not to really let it show at all, at least I think I don't. I have certain things I beleive in, a way of looking at life that I like to apply to everything I do and say, but so often I just can't seem to live it on the inside.

I've become an introvert that can't stand to be alone with myself. And I can't sleep untill I'm exhausted.

It's probly not all as bad as I make it sound, It's just that I'm feeling shit while I'm writing this. I mean, it IS exam time, and I do feel like I've failed them all up to this point (I always think like that about my exams). Maybe just putting all of this in words is helping ... maybe I'll feel better in the morning ... maybe I'm waiting for something good to happen ... maybe I'd cheer up if I saw Ava ... maybe I'm bitching and whining about nothing ... maybe I should be happy and try to just make up for the time I've waisted. I know it's selfish of me, but I just really miss seeing her alot.

I was trying to think of a way to wrap this up, but screw you, I'm just going to ramble, cus' I don't want to sleep...

Dave, Jen and I were talking about our 'Utopian Society'. I think we had been talking about how Utopias could never exist ... Which I disagree with compleetely. There have been no Utopias, so how can you know? If you want to look at literature as a reference, well, thats fiction. I think that Utopia as beleived by most people, basically a heaven on earth dealy, probably couldn't fly. It is important to keep things more grounded. You have to try and account for everything, to produce a 'Constatutional Utopia'. Choice and Freedom to choose. That is what is important. Education and encouragement throughout an individual's life, a perfect environment to evolve into, these are the things that would make a Utopia work. It's like Dave's Lobster's today. 80 years old, and the size of a legless calf, by all reconing. How? Biodome! place any specimen in it's perfect living conditions, and that specimen will inveriably break all your expectations 100 fold.

Ask one of us about it, if you really want to know ... which you probably don't, but that's ok too ;)

I'm debating right now if I should go paintballing tomorow morning. I really should 'take charge!' of my life, studdy furriously, and at least pass 266. I should wake up tomorow, do some pushups, make (and eat) a stupendous breakfast, clean my liveingspace, do my laundry and dishes, and maybe paint a little. and guitaur, but not to much.

you know something? this journal thing really does work. I feel a little better now, though not completely whole.

Just don't read this. You'll probably be happier.

2004-04-15T12:47:00.000-04:00

Yeah, I figur it's that timt again .... I guess you could call it the 'Monthly Tristan Report' where I actually say something out of the silence of the last 30 or so days .... well, school is hard! and I tend to forget stuff ... like my birth year, and my name sometimes .... not so much anymore, but then that comes with frequent use ;) So I may be failing out of Coop .... and I may not ... most likely, by the way our school seems to operate, I won't know untill two or three weeks into next school year. But at least I have a job for the summer! and a plan! If I fail out of the honours, I'm just going to go ahead with the 3 year degree, finnish next year, and take a BFA! woo art! I really love art, I am discovering. Damn you evil Dan! I lived in the shadow of a bastard (and litteraly one too) who had alot of art potential (but NO creativity I say! bastard) and always kindof implied that I really sucked in comparison than him. And it's kindof funny that as soon as I get away from this asshole of the century, I imediately take to the first art coarse I, well, take.

well, maybe not so funny .... so fuck you Dan! and I don't swear lightly.... no, not you Dan, the other one ... you don't know him...

Woo hoo!

2004-03-09T19:40:00.000-05:00

still in the game! I got 62% on my 214 and 66% on my 256! Which means I can still pass stuff! and an A- on my first art project! sweet sweetness .... and yet I still feel somewhat depressed .... maybe it's the fact that I sat on my ass all day .... maybe I really want to see Ava ... hmmmm ... hope she gets home soon :P ... I need to draw ... are you still here? go away now!

2004-03-03T23:46:00.000-05:00

so .... Jesus invents the modern table .... the Ikea gods are pleased :P

huh?

2004-03-03T11:56:00.000-05:00

wow, well here I am! I haven't been blogging or having any spare seconds to look at other's blogs, so after catching up a bit, I'd just like to say one thin: I love you all! You guys are great, and your becoming like a second family for me here in windsor. Last year and the beginning of this one there were many times I felt very alone with no one to talk to till' I got home to my roomates every day. That’s something that can even drive an introvert like me insane. But now I have so many awesome friends that I just love being around (and a girlfriend and more friends there too. I'm not forgetting you guys either, don't worry!). So if you're feeling down, you'll find happiness don't worry! And if you're Happy like a fish, keep swimming! And remember no mater what, there is at least one person (me) who thinks your real neat! (isn't neat a great word? I think so!)

and now for a little crazyness, since I havn't had the opportunity in a while!

woo! space alliens couldn't be happier right now! (* runs around in Gir like fashion *) Hey! get off moy dingey! So I've got a coop placement for those who don't know, woo! I hate the job, but it means 3 things 1) I get to stay in Windsor 2) I get moies for the summer (yes, moies) 3) take enough Experience to get your next level 4) I get to see Ava for the summer since she might be staying 5) I actually USE the utilities I'll be paying for this summer 6) just because I am GOD here in this blog, so 3 = 6 today ;p

I'm gonna go now....

crazy! gasp!

2004-02-08T19:08:00.000-05:00

thats right ... ANOTHER interview! gasp and awe! there may be a people or two that will be pissed off at you, I says to me .... oh well, at least they don't have to pay 29 bucks for a cab out to maidstone :p should be a good one, have to set up a portfolio, though ... fun fun! I like making up portfolios :) for any who are wondering (or care in the least, which is probly few) didn't come last night 'cus poor nicole got sick ... took her to the hospital, and they gave her an adrenalin shot. Good job, doc! she's sicker today, hives you know .... so everyone wish her health, and if you swing that way, give her a prayer ... I'm not I'm not catholic, but I like to think I have my dealings with all that above stuff. Get better sloops! keep tappen'!

I HAVE AN INTERVIEW!!! WOO!!!

2004-02-02T22:58:00.000-05:00

I HAVE AN INTERVIEW!!! WOO!!!

IT's crapy IT with the U, but we can hope! experience is experience, afterall...

I am a goddess!

2004-02-02T12:40:00.000-05:00

Thats right, I'm a floating naked woman!

You are Form 1, Goddess: The Creator.

"And The Goddess planted the acorn of life.
She cried a single tear and shed a single drop
of blood upon the earth where she buried it.
From her blood and tear, the acorn grew into
the world."

Some examples of the Goddess Form are Gaia (Greek),
Jehova (Christian), and Brahma (Indian).
The Goddess is associated with the concept of
creation, the number 1, and the element of
earth.
Her sign is the dawn sun.

As a member of Form 1, you are a charismatic
individual and people are drawn to you.
Although sometimes you may seem emotionally
distant, you are deeply in tune with other
people's feelings and have tremendous empathy.
Sometimes you have a tendency to neglect your
own self. Goddesses are the best friends to
have because they're always willing to help.

Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

History Lesson

2004-01-30T12:31:00.000-05:00

Hey kids! this morning I have to think up a history project for my very second D&D character EVER! woo! I'm gonna draw a nice little picture of him with my crayons too! I'll make his beard red and his shorts blue! and he can wear a pink-purple poncho too!

Thanks, you've been great! I'll be here all week.....

But seriously fokes, for those of you who care, the premis behind this stought fellow is an intense love of the sky and a need to fly (no no, not a drug-addict). For the first few sessions (up untill he learns 3ed level spells), he will be intensly interested in anything involving flight. Not that this will change after he learns the spell (and eventually keeps an metamagicaly extended version prepared at ALL times), but then he will simply be spending a great portion of his time in the air instead. After he atains his goal of soaring through the clouds, he will begin searching for a new way to fly (again, stop it with the drugs!). Hybrid will become very interested in the plains and travling therein. Eventually, I would like to have him become a planeshifter, but I'll have to talk to Amanda about that one ;)

On to the history!

Hybrid grew up in something of a smallish dwarven clan. In the clan's distant past, they were once a part of a great Dwarven empire that fell in some great war. Hybrid's ancestors were decedent from a small outpost of that empire, and some of the ancient traditions have survived the long years since the downfall. One of these traditions has created something strange among dwarven kind: an acceptance of the practice of magic. Some of the world's very greatest Transmuters, it is said, were also the greatest of the clan's ancestors..... I'll continue it later, as I have to go to class :P

Damn you Dave! Damn you and your heavenly cheese too!

2004-01-29T21:43:00.000-05:00

I was sitting here pleasently chewing away on a nice brick of havarti when all of a sudden, all unbiden to my mind came a single thought,
" you know what would be nice", the thought says to me in quite the conversational tone
" some of that nice and creamy quebec cheese.... mmmmmm..."

At which point I screamed in abject horror

ok, ok fine! I admit the chesse was awsome and amazing. happy now? gumbble mumble....

Here I go again...

2004-01-29T19:24:00.000-05:00

Damn it! I've done it again! I alwayse get pissed off at my self when I look back at the horriably over-wrote and dramatic things I write, especially when I'm depressed. I'd rather just be witty, or simple-like. That would be nice .... *sigh* (* presses palm to forehead *) alas! It doth seem this is not to be! :P

I really need to get school in line, it's starting to get away from me....

Oh, and I've never done the pot. I just think everyone needs to get a good session on around here....

and the pelican is somehow, and mysteriously, caught by the salmon .... who knew....