Well, I guess I've pretty much killed any chances of being even a slightly fond memory for Ava. I just read her journal, and it seems I've gone and done it again! I had considered not posting the things I had been thinking at 6am the morning she broke up with me, cus' I knew this would happen... which is, of corse, why I titled it "don't take it serriously" and why I included a statment to the effect of 'ignore me, I just feel like shooting my mouth off' .... which I don't see as a complete bad thing. I don't know why I'm writing this now, she'll probably never read it. Prolly should never have made that post, but I guess I was lashing out or something ... don't know why I'm posting this now. I mean, this is what I want, isn't it? Push her even farther away? I dunno ...


Know what, then? It's decided ... I'm a stupid, imature kid who can't seem to find his way out of the box he's put himself in. So I'm gonna go to bed, and in the morning I'm going to shave, I'm going to clean EVERYTHING, I'm gonna go swimming, I'm gonna go transfer my art video, and I'm gonna be AWAKE.